Flatbush Mutual Aid Needs You

Overwhelmed? Of course you are. It's okay to feel that way, but it's not good for the ticker and gray matter to stay that way. The back doesn't like it either.

Some folks are dealing with a deep loneliness at home. And just as the grass is always greener over the septic tank, the Q years for a bit of alone-ness. The girls, at 8 and 11, are doing "distance learning," which basically means homeschooling with an active modem. Work is weird and bizarrely busy, like everyone in the non-profit world is trying to prove how valuable they are, when in fact many of us feel guilty just for having a job at all, fueled by money donated by others.

So, what to do? Here's a tip. Join or donate to the Flatbush United Mutual Aid Society. If you're even the slightest bit tech-curious, you can join them on Slack.com, and while joining yet ANOTHER social media site might make your fingers weary just thinking about it, Slack is basically a glorified texting aggregator that makes it possible for many people to join together to solve problems. You can be on it constantly or 10 minutes a day. You can do work from home (like intake and organizing) or shop and deliver groceries to neighbors who request help. No questions asked. You need something, the community does its best to abide. I've been doing some grocery shop/deliveries and let me tell you, it takes the edge off big time. Talk about one-to-one aid. Give money!

There are literally hundreds of aid groups, but this one is full of your neighbors, and just imagine, when this whole thing is over, you'll have made a bunch of new friends you can maybe finally meet in person.

Anyhoo, head over to the Flatbush United Mutual Aid Facebook page (not the other FMA website) and read about them here on the reliable BKLYNER

TO JOIN THE SLACK GROUP

or

TO GIVE VIA PAYPAL (Much Needed!) 

Send $$ to mutualaidflatbush@gmail.com (name of recipient Janine Cunningham)

Testing and Self-Delusion

Wondering if you've got the demon bug? You can actually get tested, if you're in one of these high risk groups.

Given that Essential Workers is a huge category these days that includes everything from the postwoman to the food workers to medical workers to building supers to sanitation and MTA to ConEd to HVAC to hardware stores to veterinarians to journalists to check-cashing places to custodians to good lord just about everyone who actually matters during a crisis which means ultimately that what I've often feared was true IS in fact true, that I'm not essential in any way, and maybe you're feeling the same, that there is nothing inherently needed about what you do for a living and this whole question of whether you're just taking up space on this planet while shuffling towards death has been answered, full stop, and there's really no reason not to crawl up in a ball and hibernate til the whole thing is over, because basically your primary utility is to purchase things to keep the economy moving for the next batch of self-deluded middle-class fools.

CUNY-Medgar Evers College has partnered with One Medical and will be providing COVID-19 testing onsite to essential workers, inclusive of those who work in adult care centers.  Additionally, constituents who are 65 years older with pre-existing medical conditions are also eligible for testing at this site.

Please note that testing will be conducted Monday - Friday from 9am-6pm by appointment only.  For those seeking to be tested, please call 1 (888) 663-6331 or by logging onto onemedical.com to schedule an appointment and for specific campus location details.

The New Regular Is Really Not Regular

As a man past 50 I'll tell you a little secret - the Q is lost without his Metamucil. For years I wondered why I couldn't depend upon regular and satisfying bowel movements, but like so many men my age and older I suffered in silence. During a difficult period one vacation I gave psyllium husk a try and I've never let it far from my sight. Solid, greaseless and regular B.M.'s have resulted, and I wouldn't trade that for all the tea in China. I even save money on toilet paper.

You might think that's gross. But is it? Aren't YOU the one who's cheating yourself out of one of life's little luxuries? Psyllium has been used since way before the white man arrived on these shores, and it'll probably still be in use once the white man is eradicated by a new small pox that effects his people but spares the natives, a centuries-long come-uppance for genocide.

Where was I...oh, yes, the Pandemic of 2020. This morning I ran out of Psyllium Husk and so readied myself as for battle with my adorable handmade green polka-dot mask (fashioned by a book club friend of Mrs. Q) and latext gloves, plus a bit of sanitizer in the old coat pocket, and headed around the corner to the Duane Reade, or as the Q's girls still call it the Don Reed, which gives the Q a kick of joy every time he hears the name uttered.

The new normal means that one will stand in line OUTSIDE the joint waiting to enter at a clip that keeps the Don Reed less than its usual density to the tune of about 15 per. There are markings on the floor to keep even the cashier line separated. A man whose meds weren't ready was freaking out - they were his "crazy" meds as he called them. The pharmacist calmed him down and said he'd front him a few while they worked things out with the insurance company. Little heroes seem like Churchills right now.

Tense. Eyes are sunken. A few drunks across the street tossed their bottle into the planter. I was aware of the spit that was inevitably coming from their mouths and I was glad to be on the other sidewalk. For myself I knew they weren't actually free of the reality, just hiding from it for a time, and who am I to begrudge them.

Listening to reports from hospitals is more than the heart can take, but it seems somehow a must to be there with the doctors and hospital workers as much as possible, to at least not be numb to the pain of so many dying alone, their families unable to say good-bye, except perhaps by FaceTime, as the bodies are lifted into refrigerator trucks to handle the overflow from the morgues.

It's dark dude. It's really, really dark, and getting darker.

It's All In the Hands (and face)

It's getting hard to talk to friends about how this COVID-19 gets transmitted. So much fear and hype that I try to stick to the experts and not argue. No one likes a know-it-all, especially in a pandemic I'm finding.

This is perhaps the best video I've seen on the issue of how the coronavirus moves from human to human. It's not nearly as easy to transmit as you might think BUT (and this is a big but) we will have to drastically change the way we touch our own faces. That's why the mask is a useful part of the equation - not surgical grade masks mind you - but any mask. Even the Scream mask would work. Because what you're doing is training yourself not to touch your own face. For some, easier than others, amiright?

Of course everyone needs to be careful in the way that makes them most comfortable. But the idea that you're getting this thing from every surface you touch is not so helpful - touch whatever you like - just don't touch your face until you wash or disinfect.

Additionally, if you DO make a mistake, don't freak. The primary way this thing moves is through SUSTAINED close distant contact and mucous to mucous contact. You know kissing, potentially hugging, getting coughed on. The idea that it just jumps from one person to another like a bug is a poor analogy, and makes people more afraid than is necessary. (A fair amount of fear is obviously justified - but not to the point of complete mental breakdown).

So here it is. I encourage sharing Dr. David Price's common sense video as widely as possible.

https://vimeo.com/399733860

You Know It's Serious When the Bagel Place Closes

Took a walk up the Flabenue this morning. Typically it would be full of action even early, folks getting ready for a relaxing start to their weekend, early brunch, Adventists going to church, businesses readying for a weekend of heavy traffic. Nothing. Lefferts has ground to a near-halt. Sure folks are walking about, but mostly they're "essential" workers. Earlier this week the Q took a train to JFK to rent a car. The subway stations were spooky quiet. Cops at every turnstile, on platforms, not yet enforcing what will surely become some sort of "why are you out and about" kind of ban. Because...

This was the week it all became real. Really real.

I thought it might be good to grab a dozen bagels from Flatbush Bagel at the corner of Maple. Typically bustling by this time, it's closed. Closed due to Coronacrisis. What's crazy about that is that we're JUST GETTING STARTED. A NYC neighborhood without bagels is like a cow without flies. It's like a flap without mud. Skin without pores. A capital without a capitol. (Oh who am I kidding. Lefferts didn't have proper bagels til a couple years ago. still...one would think bagels were more than just essential.)

The grocery stores are the only reliably open shops right now. Half the restaurants have closed, most having laid off staffs. There's still food on the shelves, but very specific items have been horded. Toilet paper is the most silly but apparent. Usually there are thousands of rolls to be had at literally dozens of stores. But somehow, New Yorkers with their tiny living spaces, have bought up every truckload that comes in. And this, despite NO indications that there will be shortages of paper products of any kind. It's not a hurricane, and most paper is produced domestically. To put it plainly, people are hording toilet paper because OTHER people are hording toilet paper.

Guess it tells you something about our priorities. When the shit hits the fan, we want to be sure to have something with which to wipe our asses. I mean, after all, isn't this truly what separates us from the beasts?

The food runs make more sense, pasta and peanut butter etc., but I was really surprised by the empty sugar shelves. Guess a lot of people turn to baking, both to save money and for comfort. Still, in the US of A, it's strange to see ANY shelves empty. Anywhere. Even the Ideal and Associated supermarkets are asking customers to maintain distancing, a near impossibility in City groceries, but remarkably it's happening. Though occasionally someone grabs the space between and butts in line. Which normally would cause fisticuffs, but right now, people seem to be forgiving. And given that life has slowed considerably for many, maybe it's just that folks would rather stay out of their homes a few more minutes anyway. Something productive to do, an escape from the four walls.

Bodegas, generally, seem to consider themselves exempt from the entire affair. No masks, no gloves. The local delis around me are mostly manned by Yemenis who seem to have decided that precautions be damned. It's a bit scary really - one can see mosques and Arab run delis being a potential Corona spreader. Though lately I've heard more rumor-mongering about Chasidic Jews holding weddings and ignoring social distancing - though frankly I can find no evidence that ultra-religious Jews are taking the crisis less seriously than anyone else. People do love to blame Jews though, don't they? The New Rochelle outbreak two weeks ago was linked to the Jewish community, but that was TWO WHOLE WEEKS AGO, which seems like a lifetime. Back then the pandemic seemed almost theoretical.

The news outside NYC is filled with horror stories about NYC. In NYC, we hear horror stories about states and elected officials OUTSIDE NYC not taking the crisis seriously. In just a week, governor Andrew Cuomo went from annoying alpha male to beloved compassionate leader, so they say, though I will note that his daily updates on the conditions are pretty damn impressive. The guy lays it all out there - the problems, the work being done, the goals, the reasons behind various rules and suggestions. It's like he was born for the job of crisis manager. Between him and his brother, Chris Cuomo of CNN, Mario's boys have become a one-two punch of diligence and chops. The fact that they keep invoking their mom Matilda is endearing and puts a human face on the "old people" most at risk during the crisis. I attach the belowe Cuomo update mostly for posterity. It gives an excellent snapshot of the situation as of March 27 in the year of the Lord 2020.

Snapshots of lockdown Week 1:

It Will Take Someone Famous Dying...

The Q hasn't felt much like blogging lately. Blogging is SO 2010's. But with my nearly decade of shit-shooting about the neighborhood, the Q at P has become something of a history of this time in the life of Flatbush Lefferts. So to future generations, looking for anecdotal evidence of this Coronacrisis, I type this missive. Because much like the 9/11, and the Great Recession, this is a moment that will be referenced for centuries to come in history textbooks. Will it be but a blip, like the Spanish Flu pandemic of 1918? I think not. Partially because there's SO much media accompanying the craziness, but also because it comes during the single most divisive and destructive presidency of the modern era. And 50 years after Nixon, that's really saying something.

Been thinking lately that in a few days someone famous will die, despite the sort of expert treatment that only the rich can receive. "How did this happen?" they'll say. "It's a wake-up call" they'll say. "But Lou Dobbs was such a dick!" they'll say. "And I thought Ted Nugent was so healthy!" they'll say. Let's just hope it's not a beloved podcaster. That would be SO 2020.

And then the seriousness will sink in even to the willfully ignorant. You think you've seen panic? Real panic begins when Salman Rushdie or Kevin Costner goes. Imagine, surviving a Fatwa, or Waterworld, only to be felled by a microscopic bug.

I kinda liked the shadow. No signs of pandemic here.

So I give you a taste of Flatbush on March 21. Spring has clearly sprung. Forsythia blooms. The hint of cherry blossoms. Yesterday it topped 70 degrees. I considered wearing shorts, then remembered that I once complained that only white guys wear shorts before and after it's actually appropriate. Today, I saw three (3) white guys wearing shorts. They looked ridiculous. Good call, Q...

To the right you'll see that PARKSIDE pizza notes that delivery is your only option. To future gens: this was the week that the governor officially called for all restaurants and bars to stop serving in-house. A drive around last night showed that cops were enforcing the ban.

Bea of Sensory Street is moving. Probably to high rent for Flatbush storefront.

Most hair salons are still hopping. Curious what will happen when the ban goes into effect tomorrow night since the nabe has 20 within a six block walk of m'home. These places have always been the lifeblood of the neighborhood, and crucial to the life of communities of color. What will happen come Monday?

Bonafini (nee Blessings) typically packed for Saturday brunch.

Errol's warns - no more than 3 customers at a time.

Tafari Tribe: Last day to buy local gifts and clothes?

Sign of the times. And the true onslaught hasn't even begun

Westbury Inn shutters

Surely You Know the Work of Mr. Two Goobs...

Mr. Two Goobs, from his Facebook page.

My favorite artist these days is the artist whose work I see the most - Mr. Two Goobs, the man behind those brightly colored abandoned bicycles all over the neighborhood.

If you didn't know the sublime work of Mr. Two Goobs before, the most delicously clownishly named artist since Banksy, then you're in for a treat. Most of these bikes will eventually disappear, when Sanitation gets round to cutting off the locks. In the meantime, enjoy the simple pleasures of a mangled mess of metal. His work will remain up for an indefinite period of time.

A toast, to the power of two. Two Goobs. Some of my personal faves:

The PLG - Post-Truth in Real Estate at Flatbush's Most Luxury Building

The PLG vs/ Lefferts Gardens vs Flatbush wars be damned. Once developers start naming buildings all the way south on Linden "The PLG," the joke's on us. 123 Linden was very recently the site of a stately longtime old-age home, and ironically also housed offices of the only man who probably could have prevented this building being built, Councilperson Mathieu "Empty Suit" Eugene. 123 Linden is now visible from the Empire State Building. Because frankly if you can see the Empire State Building from the roof of "The PLG," that Lady serving as a symbol for freedom (or for cheap European labor, depending through whose eyes you're viewing)  - if you see her, she can most certainly see you.

Wow that building looks SO much bigger than the Q ever imagined. There were reasons for its being built, and they weren't all nefarious. To save the nursing home behind it, the board sold off the land and presumably air rights for what has become, I suppose, the new normal. Though even in market-rate-ridden PLG/Flatbush, there ain't nothing normal about this place. I mean, c'mon, TWO swimming pools?

Nazi Rally Over; Time To Get Busy

Geezus Effing Kree-stay. Last night's State of the Union was propaganda, lies, jingoism, nationalism, cheering zealots - everything but the Hitler Salute. We're in some deep shit folks. That was so utterly and awfully terrifying, and I don't scare easy. The Medal of Freedom just went to a virulent sexist racist with a vicious tongue.

Look. I know we're busy. We've got lives and kids and family. But none of that means anything without a future.

Let's all dedicate ourselves this year to sacrificing what we can in the name of the country. If you're comfortable now, you won't necessarily always be. And if you're comfortable now and able, why not fight for the rights of others? Trump is white Americas problem. And it's time for white America to step up and take him out. (with help of course).

Pick your candidate. And quit yer whining Bernie Bros! This is your time. You earned it. Cut it with the conspiracy theories and mansplaining and trying to "outliberal" everybody. When you're the front-runner the ONE THING you can't get away with is being an asshole.

You're winning, BBs! Bernie is not my first choice for president - that would be Elizabeth Warren. She'd be a MUCH better commander in chief. But Bernie and his acolytes will out-work her and bring out a wider tent than we've ever seen before. He should name her as VP by the end of April so we can all get to it. And Bernie Bros? Don't let us the fuck down, okay? You've been champing at the bit and complaining since the Dem Convention in 2016. Do your thing and make us proud. Just don't be a dick about it.

Come to the debate on Friday. And get ready to rumble.

For Pete's Sake: "The Benny" Is the Q's New Neighbor

Never in a million years did the Q expect to read this sentence referring to my down-the-block neighbor building that's taken the place of a cinder-block Pentecostal church:

The gates, inspired by legendary modernist Le Corbusier’s Curutchet House in La Plata, Argentina, open onto a double-height entry. 

Like, wtf?

We've watched as this puppy grows to full dog-hood, and now we get to attach a name. The Benny. Like, what, the Benjamin? The drugs? The word also refers to rude, dumb tourists from NYC who visit the Jersey Shore and piss of the locals.

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you The Benny. And thanks to our friends at MTOPP, there are exactly ZERO below-market rent-stabilized apartments available.

 Read more here. Happy hunting.