In a live televised confrontation between an Interrupting Bull (IB) and an Intelligent and Qualified Woman (IQW) last night at Hofstra University, the highly anticipated debate for POTUS was marked by jabs, stabs and outrageous grunts and facial expressions. With such pyrotechnics, it should come as no surprise that as many as five (5) previously committed voters in swing states felt emboldened to switch from Candidate A to Candidate B. Their stories:
1) A gentleman in Des Moines, a registered Republican and longtime manager for an agricultural concern, realized that he could in fact vote for a woman, so long as her demeanor was not too condescending and outfits appropriate for a lady of a certain age. However, he has decided that he won't tell anyone about the switch, not even his dog. (Net two for Hillary Clinton)
2) A Jewish snowbird in Florida remains on the voter rolls, despite her demise in early 2000. Her daughter usually cancels out her own vote for Democrat by voting twice, with the second vote going against the Jewish Floridian majority. This second vote has been for the Republican in honor of her dearly departed mother, whose support of Republicans stemmed from her lifelong support of the candidates least likely to hug an Arab. This year, the surviving daughter plans to vote just once, under her own name, for the Democrat. She's also pledged to leave a small stone on her mother's grave on the eve of Yom Kippur, then write a touching memoir about the whole affair. (Net one for Hillary Clinton).
3) A college senior from Western Virginia (not to be confused with West Virginia) admitted she had been spoofing pollsters all along and decided to "come clean," saying that she would never vote for anyone who reminded her of her mother and that Trump had a terrific way of putting her mother, or rather Clinton, in her place. (Net two for Donald Trump).
4) A machinist outside of Gary, Indiana realized that the reason he no longer shopped in downtown Gary was not because of his fear of black people. It was because there simply weren't enough people in the Inner Cities watching reruns of his all-time favorite show Law and Order, in particular the early ones with Jerry Orbach. (Net five for NBC).
5) A staunch Bernie-Bro from Madison, WI ended his nearly two-month Breakfast Fast as a futile protest in support of the popular Vermont senator when he realized that only his girlfriend cared whether he ate before noon. The girlfriend had also steadfastly refused to engage in any of the carnal acts until he agreed to a) join her for pancakes and b) hold his nose and vote for "that tool of the establishment" who "basically blows Goldman Sachs bankers" every chance she gets. After careful and thorough consideration of his options, he experienced a super satisfying morning AND a darn sporting evening. (Net two for Hillary Clinton).
Of the nearly 130 million voters expected to turnout in this historic election, last night's debate - universally accepted to be handily won by Clinton - has resulted in a net gain of a couple of votes and the very welcome pledge by both candidates to honor the will of the people this November and NOT plunge the nation, nay, the World, into a crisis of unimaginable consequence.
The Q at Parkside
News and Nonsense from the Brooklyn neighborhood of Lefferts and environs, or more specifically a neighborhood once known as Melrose Park. Sometimes called Lefferts Gardens. Or Prospect-Lefferts Gardens. Or PLG. Or North Flatbush. Or Caledonia (west of Ocean). Or West Pigtown. Across From Park Slope. Under Crown Heights. Near Drummer's Grove. The Side of the Park With the McDonalds. Jackie Robinson Town. Home of Lefferts Manor. West Wingate. Near Kings County Hospital. Or if you're coming from the airport in taxi, maybe just Flatbush is best.