The Q at Parkside

(for those for whom the Parkside Q is their hometrain)

News and Nonsense from the Brooklyn neighborhood of Lefferts and environs, or more specifically a neighborhood once known as Melrose Park. Sometimes called Lefferts Gardens. Or Prospect-Lefferts Gardens. Or PLG. Or North Flatbush. Or Caledonia (west of Ocean). Or West Pigtown. Across From Park Slope. Under Crown Heights. Near Drummer's Grove. The Side of the Park With the McDonalds. Jackie Robinson Town. Home of Lefferts Manor. West Wingate. Near Kings County Hospital. Or if you're coming from the airport in taxi, maybe just Flatbush is best.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

In Bold Move, DOT To Turn Flatbush Into Pedestrian Mall

As the Q mentioned back in February, DOT is in the midst of a major study of the Flatbush corridor many of us call "Main Street" or the Flabenue. After discussing the major issues, including suicidal Dollar Vans, rampant double-parking, lawlessness at intersections and psychotic jaywalking, both DOT and the Mayor's Office on European-Style Civic Improvements (MOESCI) have decided to cut their losses and completely ban automobiles from Empire to Church. Below, the agency's CGI rendering shows what they have in mind:

While palm trees may seem out-of-context now, DOT officials note that within five-ten years time winters and freezes will be a thing of the past, making tropical flora the go-to choice for northeastern urban planners. Spokeperson Cameron Carswell says "Most commercial buildings will opt for adobe construction, and Spanish-style architecture will dominate NYC south of the Bronx and Northern Queens, both of which will likely opt for a more North African, or Moorish, approach."

The Q is uncharacteristically speechless and writeless. I'm all for change...but couldn't we just put a couple of traffic cameras in for starters?


Anonymous said...

Ah, must be April 1st!

Pat G.

Bob Marvin said...

You're misinformed Q; my informant in the DOT assures me that, due to abuse by pedestrians, Flatbush will be a dedicated bicycle path with all other forms of locomotion banned. The ONLY exception will be that cyclists who experience a flat tire, or other mechanical malfunction, will be allowed to proceed on foot to the next intersection where they must turn to avoid a summons and confiscation of their walking shoes.