The Q at Parkside

(for those for whom the Parkside Q is their hometrain)

News and Nonsense from the Brooklyn neighborhood of Lefferts and environs, or more specifically a neighborhood once known as Melrose Park. Sometimes called Lefferts Gardens. Or Prospect-Lefferts Gardens. Or PLG. Or North Flatbush. Or Caledonia (west of Ocean). Or West Pigtown. Across From Park Slope. Under Crown Heights. Near Drummer's Grove. The Side of the Park With the McDonalds. Jackie Robinson Town. Home of Lefferts Manor. West Wingate. Near Kings County Hospital. Or if you're coming from the airport in taxi, maybe just Flatbush is best.

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Holy Macaroni! Batali Comes to Flatbush

The date of this post was April 1. To foreigners or to the just curious like a cat, I send you a link that shares the origins of the bizarre day of pranks that traces its roots back to Chaucer the Saucer (as he was known to his fraternity brothers for his habit of downing shots from a...well, you know...followed by a beer chaser drunk from a delicate demitasse imported from Istanbul, which is how he claimed his other name Turkey Jerky).

The Q's been keeping this one under his hat for the last couple weeks thinking surely it would fall through. The GEM Discount Store on Flatbush between Parkside and Woodruff is about to go from 99 cent bottles of perfume to 99 dollar bottles of hand pressed ultra virgin olive oil. Mario Batali, the corpulent serial entrepreneur, is about to open five (5!) Eataly Outposts in Brooklyn, one each in the trendiest nabes of Williamsburg, Bushwick, Carrol Gardens, Gowanus and, you guessed it, Lefferts Gardens. We're first up because, well, it was cheapest and easiest to move in on the lease at 724 Flatbush, right next to the Duanegreens.

So what is it exactly, this Eataly Outpost?
Apparently Batali has seen the enormous potential in franchising his super-successful Manhattan shrine to all things Italian and Culinary (from Italy and Culin respectively), but according to his press release
he has investors lined up to open one of these small groceries a month for the next two years in major U.S. cities. And we get the very first one! That undoubtedly means a Batali sighting on the Flabenue is not far behind, and Batali's behind is not too far behind that.
Need capers? Boy, do we got capers!
Much like recent neighborhood favorites like Larder and Provisions and Union Market, one can expect high-end specialty items and fresh to-go foods. And what tastes better than a tiny $30 pizza? Not much says Q, unless it's a $5 bottle of flavored seltzer. Batali's counting on the trend to smaller boutique shoppes to continue, and he certainly has the name to beat when it comes to drawing in the ravenously frothy gourmet crowds. Remember folks, food is the new rock 'n' roll.

Benvenuto, Mario!! Check out Pepa's while you're hanging drywall!




28 comments:

Mr plg said...

Woooooowwwww is all I can say! I'm super excited!

Mr plg said...

Omg!!! You got me lololol good one tim!

babs said...

Happy April Fool's Day! But that Amazon thing is way scarier. Best of as they say. xoxo

Alex said...

H.A.F., Q.

Anonymous said...

evil

Anonymous said...

Happy april fools day...

Paul Galloway said...

Awesome!

I heckled him once at Barclays Arena. He's a ham, but damn does he make good food.

Gem was great, but we still have Phat Albert which is just as good if not better.

Paul Galloway said...

oh wait - goddammit Tim.

APRIL FOOLS.

ugh

cheryl on parkside ave said...

Tim is this an April Fool prank?

Anonymous said...

Happy April Fools!

jbt said...

Hahahaha you wish.

Anonymous said...

happy April 1!!

no_slappz said...

Well, after all, it is April 1st.

Dashaun From Brooklyn said...

I'm excited to see how this works out. I love Eataly's pizza. Don't love the price of anything else. Also that area is not in the Lefferts Garden area. That's just plain old Flatbush. Close enough though.

Anonymous said...

wait ! ? ohhh, I get it now, it's April 1st today.

Anonymous said...

April Fools, I presume...

Anonymous said...

OMG YOU TOTALLY GOT ME!
Was doing jumping jacks of joy. Now I am sad. Happy april fools.

suzanne said...

Aprils Fools, right?

Anonymous said...

DAMN! Not fair. I was slightly horrified, and now relieved. Well played sir!

MikeF said...

Seems like it will serve significantly different demographics than GEM.

Mary the Librarian said...

If this is an April Fool's joke, every yuppie in PLG will be so disappointed!!

Clarkson FlatBed said...

okay. y'all suffered long enough. yes it's true. the GEM IS closing.

puzzled1 said...

It's not just the yuppies who are disappointed! Would that this could be true. I am very sad now that I've been taken in AGAIN by an April Fool's joke.

Anonymous said...

So I was super excited. Then I was mad because it was a joke. And now I'm confused because if GEM is closing, what is opening up?

MaggieDoo said...

You bastard!! I just emailed my entire extended family that Batali was coming to Flatbush. You got me good.

RinaKleege said...

But we are really getting a second (!) new taco place where Enduro was: Taqueria El Patron!

Anonymous said...

I used to love all the discount stores so much but they've gone downhill in the last few years! We used to get much better stuff there. Phat Albert especially is terrible now, just crap and it's priced pretty high, the clothing and the toys at Christmas. It's not a bargain in any way. The low income community would be much better served with a Target there to get their clothes and their kids clothes and supplies.

Anonymous said...

Unnecessarily sadistic.