build a 90-story residential tower in Downtown Brooklyn. Look, this is what happens when you allow Downtown Brooklyn to become the next Midtown. The zoning allows for just about any size, and now that rents have hit a threshold, it's actually possible to make money in Brooklyn building one of these things. Folks, this is not an inexpenisve building. It's skinny, but it's tall and it ain't cheap. Near where Junior's ever-was. Craaaaazy, man, crazy.
But the real question isn't whether this belongs. In Delirious Brooklyn, anything apparently goes. The real question is...who the FUCK wants to live up on the, say, 80th floor anyway? I don't know anyone who would choose this lifestyle. I mean, maybe for a weekend it'd be kinda cool. But seriously that kind of view is meant for a $20 ticket, you go up, say "whoa," look for your actual apartment way down there, make a statement about how the people look like bugs, and then head back down and get a bagel and smear. You don't live there. It's absurd. For a view? You gotta go up and down 80 stories everytime you want to get a pint of ice cream? Sure maybe you have it delivered, because you're too lazy, or more likely because it's ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS to go down 80 stories, even in an elevator, just for a Chubby Hubby or a cold Fanta.
We hear that very few people are living in these vanity towers. The units are purchased by shell companies, by people who may or may never set foot in them. That Marlboro 100 in Midtown comes to mind, and the Time Warner. Shit, somebody should put a stop to this right now. There's a housing crisis, man. Build for people who are actually going to live there, and enjoy it, and become part of the community. Yes, Empire, I'm talking to you. I think Peabody in Peabody and Sherman lives in one of these. But that's a talking genius dog, not an actual person.
And if you meet someone who would put down a few million to live at the top of this rather than live near terra firma in a proper house for the same dough, please tell them to come see me so I can beat some sense into them. What's next? Buildings that go a mile into the earth so you get a better view of the magma? Save on heating.
The Q at Parkside
News and Nonsense from the Brooklyn neighborhood of Lefferts and environs, or more specifically a neighborhood once known as Melrose Park. Sometimes called Lefferts Gardens. Or Prospect-Lefferts Gardens. Or PLG. Or North Flatbush. Or Caledonia (west of Ocean). Or West Pigtown. Across From Park Slope. Under Crown Heights. Near Drummer's Grove. The Side of the Park With the McDonalds. Jackie Robinson Town. Home of Lefferts Manor. West Wingate. Near Kings County Hospital. Or if you're coming from the airport in taxi, maybe just Flatbush is best.