The Q at Parkside

(for those for whom the Parkside Q is their hometrain)

News and Nonsense from the Brooklyn neighborhood of Lefferts and environs, or more specifically a neighborhood once known as Melrose Park. Sometimes called Lefferts Gardens. Or Prospect-Lefferts Gardens. Or PLG. Or North Flatbush. Or Caledonia (west of Ocean). Or West Pigtown. Across From Park Slope. Under Crown Heights. Near Drummer's Grove. The Side of the Park With the McDonalds. Jackie Robinson Town. Home of Lefferts Manor. West Wingate. Near Kings County Hospital. Or if you're coming from the airport in taxi, maybe just Flatbush is best.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Duane Reade Marketing Department Loses Mind

Lately I've been pleasantly surprised by the changing of the guard at Duane Reade. The relatively new pharmacists have been super-friendly and helpful. They've cleaned up their act back there and I actually think I'm getting the right medicine more than half of the time. And how about that Serge? The funny kid who's literally grown up working there? He's now a pharmacist assistant. It really makes me happy to see him pursuing a career path...he's whip smart, even though he's a wicked wise-cracker.

But what is UP with this DELISH business? It's getting outa hand. The geniuses at D.R.H.Q. have identified the bourgeois must-have items and given them a sassy Duane Reade twist. Noticed the names on the "premium" coffees? Five Points, Morning Rush, Firefighter's Joe and Polo Grounds. Get it? Polo Grounds! Like the famous uptown stadium of yore! So NY. So savvy.

I think they were smokin' some DELISH doobies though when they came up with this one: I mean, we get that these are knock-off Oreos. But Studio Dunkers? Like "Studio Apartment" dunkers? What the bejesus does that mean? It gets worse when you read the description:
We think New Yorkers of all ages will love our DR DelishTM Studio DunkersTM Vanilla Crème Chocolate cookies. Will you twist the top off to enjoy the deep cocoa flavor of our crispy wafer cookie? Or will you dive into the luscious vanilla creme filling to savor that oh-so-smooth sweetness? Either way, our Studio Dunkers provide the perfect combination that's sure to impress. Sure, you could play checkers with them in the park, but they're even better for dunking! Copywriters everywhere, take note.

A little bit of digging reveals that right here in America we're experiencing a "marketing revolution" known as the "private brand movement." For more sickening dogma just read this newspeak claptrap about selling the same crap at higher markup with distinctly upscale sounding brand names: Senseless Nonsense

On a related note, did you know that CVS used to stand for Consumer Value Stores? That was before CEO Tom Ryan descended from heaven with this catch phrase - Convenience, Value and Service. For that he was paid $30 million dollars in 2009.

Fellow brainwashed citizens: when is enough enough? or should we just dunk a few Delish checkers and call it a day?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Their organic maple creme cookies are DELISH - sorry!